It's just the second weekend of book out and I'm feeling heavy.
Heavy on the mind and heart.

It's only been 3 weeks and there's still 3 more months to go, it just seems so far ahead. I slept everynight with fears thinking of every possibilities that they would make us crap in our pants. And even every morning when I wake up, my heart just sank down, afraid of what's up for us. That's my everyday experience since I got enlisted. I try not to show this fears I had because when I look around me, I could sense that the rest of them had the same feeling too.

I think it's time for me to say something about myself.
I live with this for almost all my live and I have yet to tell anyone about it, even my close friends.

I'm actually partially deaf on my left ear. It started from a ear infection since I was a kid and my eardrum somehow swells over the years. Everytime I visited the doctor, all they did was to gave me a eardrop and it has not been helping at all. Instead I could actually taste the bitterness at the back of my throat everytime I drip it in. The last time I had a thorough checked, the doctor told me that there's a hole on my eardrum and I have to go for an operation. The pain can get excruciating at times but right now, I already got use to it.

And the worst part, the thing I love to do most which is swimming is one of the thing that I have to keep away. Earplugs does helps but each time I plug it in and out, it felt like I'm pumping my ear and I felt a sharp pain after that.

Now, I'm telling this not because I want sympathy or whatever. I think it's time that I shall share my flaw to you people. I don't want this disability to set me back from being a normal person because I believe I'm still a normal person and that's the reason why I been keeping this entirely all this time until I had to reason my medical history to the officers in the academy almost everyday since. Honestly, I have never blame anyone for me having to go through this instead I thank God that I still have the sense to hear.

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

Now, I gotta get ready and book in and I'm already starting to feel home sick. I just want this to be over soon, I can't stand another week being away from whatever I have especially my family. The feeling is very unpleasant.