I hate this 'aftermath' feeling i am in now.
why am i always the middle person to get stuck in someone else conflict?! i didn't brought myself in but how did i get myself into it? it's just so frustrating that people are still playing this 'secondary school' game of theirs. and now, i were to blame.. fuck!

it was my first time standing at the front house of the restaurant. it wasn't busy, we managed to get 32 covers and i think it's alright. the customers was great except for one particular one who decide to be one exceptionally difficult and meticulous about everything we serve him. what he wanted was both main course, chicken and beef on his plate. It's really absurd but of course, we didn't agree to it as all customers are given equal amount from us. and this particular customer who i'm mentioning about is my lecturer. yea, so? he have no right to ask anything more from us, he was given a complimentary ticket which he ask from us and now he's making a big fuss about evaluating each one of us for our Event Catering for not giving him the chicken and beef. it's really frustrating to see how a lecturer will react like this, i mean why can't he as an educator act as a sensible and thoughtful person.

i overheard my lecturer (who i mentioned above) talking on the phone yesterday. he's sending the guys that won the italian competion to this asian food competition in april and the thing is, he only mention the 3 other guys but not my name. i'm not feeling envious toward the three of them, but what i felt is he's being bias towards me. everything little thing i did is just wrong to him. after he put down the phone, i purposely asked him if i am going for the competition, this is what he said 'don't know.. you wanna go?' and he gave me that fucking smirk on his face.

it's really no big deal to me if i get to go or not. winning the italian competition to me is the greatest thing that i've achieve in life. frankly, i'm not a person who can handle stress and pressure easily, my head hurts bad when i got stress. however that's not an excuse. i'll see what's his decision is and i'll consider about it. maybe i'm not ready for something this big yet and maybe i'm not up for it.. haiz..

it's has been really crazy! i can't think peacefully, everything around me is making me mad. how great will it be if there's a stop button to stop everything that is happening righ now. i need a break. how i wish i could dump what i'm doing now and go for sunday's interview and be who i really wanna be. (sarah, this is between you and me, shhh!)